tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117005533318160902.post3546714660653238297..comments2024-03-27T19:53:53.708-06:00Comments on growing changing learning creating: Believing in receiving abuseTom Haskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12658791778134826289noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117005533318160902.post-71932370882654373302008-01-13T14:28:00.000-07:002008-01-13T14:28:00.000-07:00Michele:Thanks for adding to this superbly. What y...Michele:<BR/>Thanks for adding to this superbly. What you've said has given me an idea for a follow up post on changing our self concept. Coming soon :-)<BR/>Thanks!Tom Haskinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12658791778134826289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117005533318160902.post-13011587685410287542008-01-13T08:18:00.000-07:002008-01-13T08:18:00.000-07:00Tom, what a powerful post! I was sexually, physica...Tom, what a powerful post! <BR/><BR/>I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused for many years of my childhood. This taught me the "habits" of being a victim and for the first 20 years of my adult life, I structured most of my relationships to continue this pattern of me as victim and others as my "abusers." While I was no longer being physically or sexually abused, the dynamics of victimization and abuse were very much alive in those relationships, with me contributing to that dynamic as much as my "abusers." <BR/><BR/>At a certain point I began to recognize these patterns and to try to change them. However it is a constant battle because my "natural" response is to be in a "one-down" position. It feels "easier" to me because then I don't have to learn how to manage conflict or how to stand up for myself or anything else. So in the sense that I don't have to go out of my comfort zone, I get satisfaction from repeating these kinds of dynamics. <BR/><BR/>The challenge, I think, is to learn a new kind of satisfaction that comes from no longer acting in the victim role. Yes, it's more difficult to stand up in a conflict, but there's so much more to be gained when you do. <BR/><BR/>The other challenge, as you point out, is that you have to change your self-concept to adopt new behaviors. You have to see yourself as being worthy of being in a different place. In some ways, what can help is to "fake it till you make it," practicing new behaviors until they feel more natural and you've earned that new of feeling about yourself. But for the changes to stick, you really do have to undergo a fundamental shift in how you see yourself--it's the only way that the new behaviors can become unconscious and natural to you. <BR/><BR/>Anyway--great post. Thanks for discussing this further.Lovekandinskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17971255476487539791noreply@blogger.com