Becoming capable of enjoying solitude

Yesterday I proposed that hidden talents would come into conscious awareness once experiences of personal safety had become a proven fact. Some people find this possibility easy to imagine and likely to occur. They are inclined to "get right on it" and take the necessary actions to realize this result. They will succeed at getting their minds off of security alert and automatic encryption modes of operation when finding time by themselves feels safe.

Others find the prospect of enjoyable solitude inconceivable and contrary to their personal experiences. They cannot imagine feeling safe when they are alone by themselves. They feel dreadfully isolated and very lonely when "stuck with some alone time". They judge the appearance of their solitude as proof of how they are unpopular, rejected or outcast by others. They know for a fact what happens to them when no one else is around:

• they get overcome by feelings of vulnerability, insecurity,
• they think are getting punished with confinement or are asking for more trouble
• they feel they have violated the cardinal rule to maintain "safety in numbers" that forbids isolating themselves from their herd
• they get haunted by ghosts from their painful past history when they are left to face what comes to mind
• they experience a profound loss of things to pay attention to which usually distract themselves from their troubles
• they fall into self incriminations, reruns of regrettable incidents and other forms of self-inflicted misery
• they lose ground in the constant battle to feel confident, reliable, stable and respectable

These are experiences of emotional baggage acquired back when someone took advantage of there being no one else around to interfere, protect or stop what occurred. Their minds jumped to a conclusion about their mistaken approach to safety that had put themselves in irreconcilable danger. They decided to never again get caught alone when dangers like that appear to be present. They developed cognitive routines for both fighting the urge to be alone and for feeding the urge to cling to others. Their talent for enjoyable solitude was encrypted for safekeeping and kept unavailable until safety becomes a proven fact.

When we try to talk ourselves out of baggage, it only gets worse. What we resist then persists and defies our defiance. We don't realize we are acting against our interests in safety, survival and avoidance of dangers. We're too smart for our own good when we think we can fix "a problem" with how we're feeling that we regard as "a viable solution" subconsciously.

Once we realize we already have a solution that works in dangerous situations, we can cultivate a second solution that serves us in safe situations. We discern the difference between two kinds of isolation: beneficial solitude in safety and dangerous vulnerability in danger. We recognize when it's safe to be alone and when it is not. We realize how we can put ourselves in danger if we oppose our feeling uncomfortable about separation from the herd. We then come up with a "best of both" solution for creating experiences of personal safety. We work with our feelings to gain access to our hidden talents.