Others find the prospect of enjoyable solitude inconceivable and contrary to their personal experiences. They cannot imagine feeling safe when they are alone by themselves. They feel dreadfully isolated and very lonely when "stuck with some alone time". They judge the appearance of their solitude as proof of how they are unpopular, rejected or outcast by others. They know for a fact what happens to them when no one else is around:
- they get overcome by feelings of vulnerability, insecurity,
- they think are getting punished with confinement or are asking for more trouble
- they feel they have violated the cardinal rule to maintain "safety in numbers" that forbids isolating themselves from their herd
- they get haunted by ghosts from their painful past history when they are left to face what comes to mind
- they experience a profound loss of things to pay attention to which usually distract themselves from their troubles
- they fall into self incriminations, reruns of regrettable incidents and other forms of self-inflicted misery
- they lose ground in the constant battle to feel confident, reliable, stable and respectable
When we try to talk ourselves out of baggage, it only gets worse. What we resist then persists and defies our defiance. We don't realize we are acting against our interests in safety, survival and avoidance of dangers. We're too smart for our own good when we think we can fix "a problem" with how we're feeling that we regard as "a viable solution" subconsciously.
Once we realize we already have a solution that works in dangerous situations, we can cultivate a second solution that serves us in safe situations. We discern the difference between two kinds of isolation: beneficial solitude in safety and dangerous vulnerability in danger. We recognize when it's safe to be alone and when it is not. We realize how we can put ourselves in danger if we oppose our feeling uncomfortable about separation from the herd. We then come up with a "best of both" solution for creating experiences of personal safety. We work with our feelings to gain access to our hidden talents.