I can't endure this job and I can't endure unemploymentEach half of any dilemma is functioning a a collective, not a connective. Both horns are internally collusive while rejecting the outside network. The differences appear irreconcilable because they are both negating an opposite possibility. No viable connections can form between these antagonistic positions.
I can't live with him/her/it and I can't live without him/her/it
I can't learn from sitting in classrooms and I can't learn on my own
I can't get along with those people and I can't get along by myself
When we're caught up in a dilemma, the situation cannot be resolved by taking one side at the expense of the other. We will discover that "opposing the opposition" only perpetuates our misery. The opposite position will flare up and bring our inner torment to the forefront of our experience. There is no solution at the level of these irreconcilable positions. The connection can only occur at a different level from these insular nodes. Each isolated network remains the same regardless of what occurs in its context. Each fails to learn, change, adapt or evolve. It's mind is made up. Each plays by rules which have been long established. Each relies on its history to define its future. Each regards new opportunities as the same old foregone conclusions.
The solution can be found in a process network that contains these isolated networks. The introduction of changing, learning, adapting and evolving puts the isolated networks into a different context. Both become starting points for ongoing processes. Both entertain new questions to explore and interpretations to consider. Both may discover the error of their ways, their opportunities overlooked and their intentions gone awry. Both may find they are two sides of the same coin or a winning combination that prevents going to either extreme. The dilemma may be reformulated as a paradox where they are both right in a different sense provided by the inclusive, process network.
The transition from isolated networks to an inclusive process network involves some unlearning within each isolated network. Here's some of what typically gets unlearned when dilemmas get resolved and robust connections form between the reformulated positions.
- There's nothing to be learned from untried alternatives.
- There's nothing that's changed since valid conclusions were reached.
- There's no justification for revising what is known to be proven facts.
- There's every reason to rely on past history to predict the future.
- There's nothing to question in reliable perceptions and attributions.
- There's the danger of deluding oneself to expect something different.
- There's no reconciliation possible between these positions.