- We eliminate space when we shoot the messenger who delivers bad news about us. However, we will feel shot down if we let the messenger deliver the news of our incompetence, neglect or other shortcomings. We create space for healing when we let the messenger know we're getting a different message from the one delivered and we're grateful for the messenger's efforts. Rather than feel attacked, we use the delivered message to uncover our own bind spots, take an unfamiliar perspective or see ourselves as others often see us. We go to a space of self acceptance that provides added space for putting the messenger 's mind at ease.
- We destroy space when we label, categorize and stereotype what we're seeing. We do this when we're apprehensive about what has shown up. We're no better off when we disregard, overlook or dismiss what we're seeing. We create space when we see that there is more than one side to this. We consider what we're not seeing, what's hidden from our point of view and what needs further examination to be seen clearly. We express desires to see more and to see in different ways. Amidst all this exploratory seeing, space for healing emerges. We've entered a space where past history gets transformed by seeing it differently and then by valuing the new seeing more than the old story.
- We trash the space when we mirror what's in our face and on our case. When we're feeling our emotional pain, we're compelled to resist what is resisting us, judge who judges us,and vehemently oppose our opposition. We get into a vicious cycle with no obvious escape. The space still eludes us if get bullied, intimidated or stepped on like a door mat. The situation calls for letting go of our insisting on being right or persisting in trying to win at all cost. We no longer fall for the same old pattern of mutual torment. Then space emerges from offering choices to consider and alternatives to explore. We come from a space that gives others freedom from their urgent necessities and chronic struggles.
- We shut down the space when we pathologize the symptoms of another's underlying pain. We're inclined to do this when we're wounded. We will awfulize the unfortunate condition, demonize the unpopular motives and catastrophize the disturbing effects on others. We're no closer to creating space if we rule out complaints about those symptoms. Space is created for third and fourth order changes from a synthesis of pro-symptom and anti-symptom positions. We share a space where it takes both viewpoints to get it right and balanced in a dynamic equilibrium.
In these emergent spaces for healing, the working wounded change their minds easily. They stop making themselves miserable and start creating experiences they really enjoy. They realize slight changes in their outlooks that make big changes in how they get seen, treated and engaged by others. Their presence gets transformed in ways that are good for collaborative endeavors and creative projects.