It's obvious when people we know have experienced too much criticism, invalidation, betrayal or abandonment. They believe it will happen again. They live in danger of continuing to experience what they don't want to happen. As far as they can tell, they cannot change their minds about what happens to them. What continues to come to mind is more worries, dread and dark forecasts for the future. We've all been in this kind of pain ourselves, too.
We've all had moments of providing contradictory experiences to other people in pain. We've given compliments to the over-criticized, encouragement to those that got shot down, follow-thru on our commitments to the over-betrayed and "being there" for those who dread neglect. In spite of our good intentions, the effects of our breaking from their past does not break their pattern. Their beliefs in danger are usually more robust than our "showing them a contradictory time". We fall short of providing a life-changing experience. Our caring appears to them as a fluke, not a change in their facts of life. They believe the danger in their life is real and the safety we provide is unreliable. They live in their traumatic past.
As I've reflected on this lately, I've realized that contradictory experiences are necessary, but not sufficient. We need to change where we are coming from to provide life changing experiences to others. When we merely act differently, we are coming from a place where the evidence of our five senses is real and our minds deal with this reality as best they can. To transform someone's belief in danger, it's not enough to provide an experience of safety in their world of evidence.
We can get to a place where the world of sensory evidence is an after-effect of our thinking. We realize are minds are real and the world deals with how it appears to us as we really mind it. We can change our minds and transform our personal history, belief in danger and subsequent experiences of safety. We go beyond contradictory experiences to closure.
Whenever we decide that dangers are real, we've had an incomplete experience. We've been over-criticized without experiencing immediate compliments that sets things right. We been shot down without getting built up again. We've experienced betrayals without recompense, restitution or justice. We've endured too much abandonment without returning to safe enclosures, protection from a reoccurrence and credible reassurances.
When our minds are real, we can change our history in mind. We can imagine closure of those incomplete experiences. We can close out the story that left us in danger. We can bring the turn of events in our imagination full circle. We can be safe in our minds and watch the world of evidence conform to our new outlook upon it.
We cannot change our deepest beliefs in danger when the world of sensory evidence seems unquestionably real. We cannot change a movie on the screen when we're seated in the audience. However, we can change the film in our mind when the world appears to be a movie we projected onto a blank screen. We can live in safety as we've imagined it in our mind's experience. We go beyond contradicting our past history, to completing it.