Coming from empowerment

Last week, Adele Lin added some wonderful insights to the challenge of conducting empowering conversations:
And many thanks for sharing your tips here, it is true that there are much more opportunities to create empowering conversations than one would care to harness. For me at least, I know that I have passed up some of them because of (1) internal dialogue going on, and (2) sheer laziness. When you have some free time, would you kindly share with us as well, some examples of empowering questions in the context you described below, or in any other relevant situation to illustrate the methods mentioned? Much appreciated.
As I've pondered why empowering conversations are so rare, it occurred to me that it's not something that egos can do. Empowering conversations only succeed when we feel like conducting them and having those effects on others. They come from our hearts, not our heads. They are more akin to falling in love than following a procedure.

Our egos are designed to ensure our physical survival. They assume the evidence gathered by our five senses is an accurate appraisal of possibilities. From the ego's frame of reference, we are obviously separate from each other and dangerous to each other. We assume we are right to be judgmental and controlling when we conduct conversations. We don't intend to be dis-empowering. We are simply keeping safe in the presence of separate and dangerous creatures.

Our non-local minds are clear of fear. They do not support belief in the evidence of our five senses. When we are connected to our non-local minds, we respond in a spirit of unity, freedom and timelessness. We get a sense of what to see, say and support from out of nowhere that has an empowering effect on others. It dawns on our minds how to serve, care for and give to the person we're conversing with. We're coming from a place of endless generosity with no sacrifice on our behalf.

I suspect the empowering effect on others is a reflection of where we are coming from, rather than a product of what we say. The effect is in the spirit of our conversation rather than the words. So the questions I offer for you to ponder are not about the other person. They ask about premises for conducting the conversation in the first place:
  • Where are you coming from when you're in the presence of someone you could speak with?
  • What's the difference you experience between what you say in fear of danger and say in a spirit of freedom?
  • What sense do you have other than your five physical senses to relate to others without fear?
  • How are you feeling about having a conversation with this facet of all of us?
  • What effect would occur to infect the others with your feelings without saying a word?
  • How are you affected when the conversation comes back around immediately and in memories after?
  • Who do you think you really are -- to come up with an inspired sense of what to see, say and support?


  1. Tom;
    Right on!

    In my own leadership training and now in my training of others; I learned to be present, open, and connected.

    I shifted my practice for preparing for important meetings and conversations from trying to develop all my arguments and trying to anticipate all the challenges to my arguments; to simply clearing my mind of all my agendas and entering the meeting trusting that being present, open, and connected will always allow the conversation to move where it needs to go....and produce the best outcome.

    Nice job, Tom;


  2. Thanks Pete! We've experienced parallel changes and successes. When I was mediating conflicts between factions of school teachers, I had to abandon my elaborate preparations and trust what came about. There was no way to be effective by anticipating their conflicting agendas, grievances or stories. Like you, I've found that openness in me produced the best outcome -- one that none of us foresaw in any detail.